Few people discuss the deep pain, anxiety and anger that can accompany loving a prodigal. When the biblical prodigal returned home, God acknowledged the father’s anguish and his overwhelming relief to see his wandering son return home. Caring for a wayward person is a wilderness journey for the soul. In the middle of it, how do we make sure to also care for our own hearts?
The parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 is often told as lesson about mercy, forgiveness, jealousy or even honesty. We seldom, however, give due attention to what the prodigal son’s broken life cost the father…the mental, spiritual and physical toll it took on him. Only those who have also loved a prodigal can attest to what the father endured.
The years of estrangement define this story. The father – the heart of the family - had the last word, and his own inner journey would determine their destiny.
Judy Douglass, author of When you Love a Prodigal, went through this vale of tears with her own son, Josh. She said that God was working not just in Josh’s life, but she found that God was focused on her as well. The journey illuminated areas of her character that had to be strong if her family was to survive and heal. There were three transformational areas God highlighted: unconditional love, grace and surrender.
Unconditional love was often in short supply because Josh could not love her back for years. “God showed me that his love for us does not expect love in return,” she said. “I, too, was to relinquish all expectation of reciprocated love.” Her struggles with grace and surrender were also fierce. God had given her this beautiful, broken boy to love. She soon realized that she couldn’t manufacture grace; that healing would come only when God’s grace flowed through her. Finally, in surrendering her will and her own solutions to God, she released the Holy Spirit to work in her family.
We often don’t see much value in the wilderness years; all we feel is loss and sorrow. However, God wants us to be encouraged. The long, lonely season of forging a deep relationship with him is laying a strong foundation for right choices and new beginnings. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20 ESV).