Love Goes the Extra Mile

Some Christians think peacemaking means avoiding conflict, but doing that only leads to further division, strife, and disorder. When was the last time you avoided a necessary confrontation with someone? Did you end up being passive-aggressive toward that person and withholding kindness?

Jesus gives us specific instructions on how to deal with conflict: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15, ESV). Jesus’s instruction here is packed with wisdom. Confronting a person in private preserves one’s dignity in the face of their sin. It also allows truth to shine its light on sin.

Yet, confronting someone this way isn’t a one-time solution. Why? First, it may not work, as Jesus points out. “But if he does not listen…” (Matthew 18:16). Also, this isn’t a one-and-done command, where afterward we can walk away and say, “Well, I did what Jesus said. That’s that. I won’t have to deal with this guy anymore.” According to Jesus, we have more to do because love goes the extra mile. “If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses” (Matthew 18:16).

Yet it doesn’t end there. Love keeps going: “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). This last phrase sounds like a final rejection, but that isn’t accurate. Our actions are meant to reflect the sinner’s behavior so that he might repent and enjoy fellowship again.

This sequence of actions teaches us the lengths to which God extends his grace and the cost to us as agents of that grace. God’s heart is always to bring the lost sheep back into the fold. How far does this grace extend? As Jesus told Peter, we’re to forgive our sinning brother “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22), meaning as many times as it takes.

Once again, this requires a lay-down-your-life-on-the-cross kind of love. It’s a love that says, “I’m still here for you. I’m not going anywhere.” This love requires a Spirit-filled walk because our flesh simply isn’t capable of it.